5 When I was alive

Because my parents are lighthouse keepers, I spent the first ten years of my life in a stone tower on a single rock cut off far from the shore. We were keeping watch over the water trains and ships crossing the Blazing Sea, in the midst of an endless desert of water. As such, I barely set foot in Bird Island during my early childhood, let alone in the Farskyer Peninsula.

Azritz is six years older than me. At twelve, she attended middle school in Taipei City, in Bird Island, then moved to Farskyer City when she decided to become a quirk researcher for the Nyomin.

When I first came to Farskyer City, both Azritz and I were at different boarding schools and couldn’t meet often. I struggled a lot to keep up with the level of my classmates. I had read more books than most kids my age, and I thought I was somewhat knowledgeable… but I wasn’t used to the education system, nor the damn quizzes. I got the last rank from the very start. When I returned to the lighthouse for the holidays, my family supported me with all they got:

“It’s all right, lil bro, don’t stress over a bad grade or two!”

“Son, you discovered the world-e, made new friends, learned to speak-e Yanganese without my terrible accent-e… and you tell me you failed? You did better than me: I never went to middle school, hahaha!”

My mother calmly added:

“My dear, I know what you mean, quizzes are so confusing. When I was studying, I would always believe the questions were more complicated than they really were.”

“Your mom says that, but she actually was one of the best-e students of her promotion,” Dad bragged. “Well, but you don’t need to follow-e your mom’s or your big sis’ steps. Armen,” he said, laying a hand on my shoulder, a smile on his face. “As long as you keep true to yourself and enjoy your life, your mom and I will be happy. So? Are you still apologizing for your bad grades?”

I swallowed hard and shook my head.

“No. But I’m gonna do my best-e!”

My parents exchanged an amused glance, and my big sis almost strangled me with her arm around my neck.

“That’s the spirit, lil bro!”

When I went back to Farskyer, my heart was filled with confidence. My grades didn’t really improve, but I always kept true to myself, helping my classmates, playing with them, talking a lot even with strangers, and discovering new things I had never seen in my cut-off-from-the-world, sweet home.

When my sister graduated from high school, I moved to her place and transferred to a well-reputed middle school in the Nyomin College District. Ray was my classmate. He always stood aloof from the rest of the class. He was nicknamed Greymatter. I must say I thought they just meant he was smart, but some comrades were actually bullying him. When I realized that, as my parents’ son, I stopped calling him by his nickname, stood up for him, and lent him a hand. We got along pretty fast.

Everything was going fine… except my grades. It seemed that my biggest issue wasn’t just the quiz system: I had a hard time concentrating. At the lighthouse, we had no Internet, no phones, no game console: I could only learn new things through the books on my parent’s shelves or through our long, pleasant conversations. In Farskyer City, a flood of new information was overwhelming me, coming from about everywhere: a bird alighting on a branch outside would make me forget about my teacher’s lesson, a new song I liked would keep drumming on my mind through the evening, some classmates would make me sneakingly play games with them during the classes, or invite me to do some sport or go watch a movie… So, obviously, I couldn’t concentrate on the math formulas, nor on the crystal particles or molecules in chemistry, nor on the historical Magnus Tervel that reigned over the Farskyer Peninsula centuries ago… That led to the inevitable: my grades became so bad that, in the last year of middle school, my homeroom teacher persuaded me to repeat the year in another school. Well, they didn’t really leave me any choice.

Ray went to high school, and I was left behind. It was a great shock to me. I had never thought that my grades could change my life so abruptly. That depressed me quite a bit, and I decided to catch up. I bravely began to say “no” to the classmates that invited me to have fun after classes: all I wanted was to study and go to high school. I put all my efforts into improving my grades.

My sister had finished her studies at Nyomin College and had begun to work. She did extra work at night to pay for the loan she had taken out several years ago for her studies. It wouldn’t have been wrong to say I was living on my own. I hung out with Ray every now and then; he was the one who cheered me up—though Ray would have said I was the one who cheered him up. Anyway, with his help and my determination, my grades finally improved. I got accepted into high school! I went back to the lighthouse for the holidays, looking forward to being in the same high school as Ray in the autumn… Oh, just my luck: only two weeks before the classes started, Ray, who was going to be a second-year now, suddenly disappeared and called me to tell me he had transferred to a special school in Europe. All I could tell him was: “Aw, so lucky. Send me some photos when you get there”. Little did he know how frustrated I was. I also realized then my own selfishness. Ray was wealthy and smart. It only made sense he would pick the best school he could and travel the world.

So I decided to have a good high school life. I made a group of friends and even got a crush on Arkifa, who rejected me—I could only blame myself for having rejected her before. Back then, I was just a naïve lamb having fun like a normal high schooler. But that would soon change. Some weeks after the classes had resumed, when I got home, I found some thugs waiting inside.

They were debt collectors. I told them my sister wasn’t there. They bullied me, waited for two hours, then left with all the money they found. They scared me to death. When I told everything to my sister, she was in shock. She blamed herself for not being able to get enough money to pay. It was the first time I had seen her cry like that.

As my sister began to work in a second job, a part-time one, to make ends meet, I realized how valuable money was in this world. I wanted to help her, at least to pay for my own spendings. I searched for a job.

But I was a country boy and didn’t know the world. Asking here and there, I somehow ended up at the Winged Bulls’ lair. I was underage, so I couldn’t have a proper contract without parental permission, or so they told me. Anyway, I believed them.

“Why do you search for a job, brat?” Banjeel asked then.

“I… My sister has a debt to pay, so… I want to help her.”

“Ain’t you a good bro. Did you tell her?”

I shook my head. Devil and Banjeel exchanged a look.

“Well, where there’s a will, there’s a way, hon,” Devil smiled. “We can’t give you a job, but we can introduce you to people who are in need of handsome young men like you.”

My heart bounced in my chest as I stepped back.

“Y-You don’t mean—?”

“Nothing like that, rest assured!” Banjeel chimed in. “Devil, don’t scare him. We don’t do business with that kind of people. I swear. If you’re interested, come back tomorrow at this hour. I’ll introduce you to a guy who might be able to help you.”

I hesitated to come back, naturally. But seeing the bags Azritz had under her eyes brushed off my doubts. As I was convinced that, at my age, I couldn’t legally have a job, I kept everything from her.

And so, I began to work for the Tiger Clan. The Tiger Clan was one of the biggest gangs at the Old Docks District, if not the most powerful. They dealt in pills that strengthened powers and the like. Though I knew nothing of it until I met them.

“Have you ever experienced a quirk, kid?”

A manager had led me into his office at the Old Docks shopping center. I foolishly felt relaxed upon seeing how the room was tidy and well-kept but… the sudden question about quirks made me give him a worried look.

“Sorry, sir, I’m quirkless.”

“You don’t need to apologize. What about your family?”

“Ah, yes. My dad has a vision skill. He can use his eyes like binoculars. He’s a lighthouse keeper, by the way, so it’s quite useful for him. My big sis’s got a vision skill too, but it’s kinda different. When she activates it, she can see microscopic stuff.”

I didn’t mention she was working for the Nyomin Union and the World Government. I kind of felt it would be a bad idea.

“I see. So, it’s like that. A vision power.” The manager joined his hands on the desk. “What was your name again?”

“Armen Moon, sir.”

“Armen. Do you want to get powers?”

I stared at him in bewilderment. Wasn’t a quirk supposed to be uncontrollable? According to Azritz, a power awakening had everything to do with the absorption of the invisible crystal particles that were floating everywhere in the air, but the conditions to trigger a quirk were yet to be completely understood.

“Is that even possible, sir?”

The manager smiled.

“It is.”

I soon found out that the Tiger Clan was providing special pills to their underlings. I was given one, and it worked: my eyes got superpowers for a few hours. I was able to hypnotize and induce fear just by staring at someone for some seconds. Wasn’t that amazing? I was happy. The pills didn’t seem to have drawbacks either. That was great. I felt like a superman.

I got placed under the care of the Cheetahs, a small gang within the clan. My job was easy: I just had to make some guys crawl in terror and patrol the streets “owned” by the Tiger Clan. After some months, I grew quite attached to the other six Cheetah members. Especially to an energetic and freewheeling girl called Erma and a half-emotional half-reserved guy named Zeeta: the latter was just one year older than me and was a musician like me. He played the guitar as a hobby. Did I already say I used to play the violin at our lighthouse? Well, Zeeta revived my violinist ambition. When the Cheetahs gifted me a violin as a token of my new membership, I was flabbergasted. I cried in front of them.

“I’ll make good use of it!”

“You’d better do,” Ginger, our boss, smiled back. Though he appeared to be a bit gruff sometimes, he was a former Holy Monk from the countryside, and his heart was as big as a castle.

Zeeta gave me a gentle punch on the shoulder.

“Play something.”

“N-Now? What should I play?”

“Auld Lang Syne!” Erma chimed in, her two rose pigtails moving from side to side. “I once heard the song played with a violin. It was super nice.”

Auld Lang Syne… It was a traditional song, so not something my neighbor Beethoven would listen to, but it was coincidentally one of the songs I had played the most during my childhood. It got me fired up.

I straightened up, put my violin against my chin, brandished the bow, and… a strident sound tore the air. The six of them flinched and snorted. Zeeta even covered his ears. I chuckled.

“How nostalgic…”

“In which way?! I thought you were skilled!”

“Well, relax, Zeeta, I’ll practice hard.”

“… I’ll make sure you do.”

That’s how Zeeta and I began to meet more and more often to play on the docks or at my place. We did classical pieces, modern and traditional songs; we even composed some of our own and sometimes tried to follow my neighbor’s music… That was fun.

Just to be clear, we weren’t some idle gangsters who terrified the streets but henchmen from a clan that acted in the Old Docks District like it was its fief. We were patrols that kept “peace” within our district and collected extra taxes. The pay wasn’t bad, and the feeling of protecting my home gave me strength and kept me loyal to my gang.

As a result of our authority, we naturally had quarrels with other groups: the Seagulls, the Black Vipers, or the Fishbombers were regular opponents. At the beginning of spring, the Hell Hounds, a competing group, began to cause us a lot of trouble. Luckily, as my powers weren’t fit for close combat, I always stayed at the back when things went out of hand, and hence I barely ever fought.

And like that, time flew by. I still attended Harvard High School without fail. I didn’t want to flunk out. I kept being the same cool guy as usual for my classmates and even hung out with them every now and then. Arkifa, Woon, Ashooka… They were nice people. One day, I found out Woon was being bullied by a third-year. I caught the bastard in a corridor, dragged him to the nearest room, then punched him good and made him kneel and cry not even using my powers. Only by seeing the astonishment on my friends’ faces, I realized how much I had changed. I didn’t like violence, but bit by bit, things like that had become so natural. I got scared.

Why was I doing all this? Because I wanted to help Sis? Nonsense. The truth is, I was enjoying my new way of life. When I realized that, it was too late. I had already told tons of lies to my sister, and I already considered the Cheetah gang’s members to be close friends.

As final exams were coming up, I put a lot of effort into my studies. Even a teacher praised me when he looked at the notes I was taking. I was all hopes and…

I completely messed up.

As the system went, I would pass to the second year of high school regardless of my grades. Still, I felt down. Well, I was aware all I had done was cramming in the last minute, but I really thought this time I had done better. Was I deluding myself? My sister told me not to take it to heart.

‘Sis, 14:33: It’s just a number on a piece of paper, nothing more, you’re still my cute lil bro! 🎔 🎔’

‘16:46: Hey’

‘16:46: You sad?’

‘Armen, 16:52: I’m fine 😅’

‘16:52: I’m used to it.’

‘16:54: I’ll stay over at a friend’s place to play some games.’

‘Sis, 17:12: I want to play too… 😭’

‘17:12: So much work…’

‘Armen, 17:14: Do your best~ 😇’

That night, some gang robbed a shop that was under the protection of the Tiger Clan, even injuring the shopkeeper. We went to their hideout, and this time I didn’t hold back.

“You’re going all out tonight, Straw Head!” Erma observed.

I kept smiling as I glared at my already beaten opponent. He was shaking and whining in fear. My powers were so useful: he was way sturdier than me, but all his strength seemed to have abandoned him as soon as I had stared at him. Were my powers getting stronger?

“Something wrong, Armen?” Zeeta asked as he inspected the stolen goods.

“Yes…” Smilingly, I pushed the terrified thief away and answered: “The education system.”

Big sis, would you still say I’m cute if you saw me right now?

A week later, as the summer holidays had just started, my sister took some days off. We went home. It had been one whole year since I last saw my parents and the lighthouse. The two weeks I passed there soothed my soul. Some night, my sister snorted, surprised, as she received a fax through the lighthouse’s telecopier. She was told an unknown sponsor had deposited five thousand Corns on her account.

“Why are ya looking-e at me?” Our father rubbed his head. His Taipei accent was as strong as ever. “We wish-e we could give-e ya that much money but…”

“Then who?”

We all shrugged. Who indeed?

“Oh my, oh my, you have a secret admirer!” Mom giggled tenderly. “So romantic!”

“Gifting money is not romantic at all, Mom!”

My sister didn’t even suspect me.

July 22nd, back to Farskyer. I was with Zeeta playing music at the docks when a group of five gangsters from the Hell Hounds recognized us. They flung our instruments into the sea and told us the Tiger Clan was as good as dead before running away. We couldn’t use our powers since we hadn’t eaten the pill, but they couldn’t beat us to a pulp either because we were in plain sight in the main street.

Two days later, the Hell Hounds assaulted the Old Docks shopping center, or more accurately the Tiger Clan’s lair. I was in there at the time. I got caught in the crossfire.

Things went quickly out of proportion.

Some Hell Hounds used explosive powers to force their way into the private rooms, but something went wrong, an influential Tiger member was gravely injured from the start, and both sides went crazy, fatally ignoring the innocent passersby that only went to go shopping.

In the turmoil, I was told to go to the back chamber to get a pill. The one in charge gave me the wrong one. Some minutes later, my eyesight was completely disrupted. It wasn’t myopia. It was as though my eyes had turned into uncontrollable binoculars. As such, I couldn’t fight back at all. When I decided to run away, it was all too late.

I got punched, fell, and hit my head.

I woke up at a hospital. My sister got some days off, but she was having trouble talking to me. Though I didn’t know at the time, she was blaming herself for not taking good care of her little brother. She also wanted to know what happened. But I couldn’t possibly tell her. Was it shame? Or was it just tiredness?

I got discharged from the hospital after three days and got special glasses to correct my strange vision. Since the police had found me on the Tiger Clan’s grounds, they interrogated me.

“What were you doing in there?”

“Ah… Sorry, I don’t remember.”

“You don’t remember?”

“I was badly hit on the head, apparently.”

“So you lost your memories? How convenient for you. Do you happen to know a teenager named Zeeta?”

My smile faded. I had hoped Zeeta wasn’t at the shopping center at that time…

“So you know him. You and he were in the same gang, after all.”

“We’re friends, if that’s what you mean. I play music with him quite often. He has a guitar, and I’ve got a violin.”

“Oh? He was the one who accompanied you in the ambulance and alerted your sister.”

I widened my eyes. So Zeeta was fine.

“You play the violin, you said?”

Since I was underage, the policemen surely thought a gentle approach would give better results. I smiled.

“That’s right. Though they’re broken now. My violin. And his guitar.”

“Why is that?”

“Some bastards threw them in the sea the other day.”

“I see. I’m sorry for that. Do you know who they were?”

“No.”

The policeman that was sitting in front of me sighed as he flipped through a notebook.

“One last thing, kid. You think we policemen have less authority than the gangsters around here, don’t you?”

“…”

“Anyway, I totally get why youngsters like you would want to get into gangs and act cool and all, but stop this. Innocent people have died in this shopping center accident. Do you understand that? I don’t know why you were found in the private area of the building but remember that: you are young. Don’t mess up your own future or you’ll regret it.”

He was right. I had avoided death this time but I had been lucky: the Hell Hounds had completely gone crazy.

In the following days, I tried to contact all the Cheetahs but only got to speak with Erma on the phone. I learned through her that our gang leader had left the Old Docks. Apparently, he had gone back to his hometown.

« Don’t search for the Tiger Clan, it would only mean asking for trouble, » Erma told me.

“… Is the situation that bad?”

« Really bad. »

“Well, I’m glad you weren’t at the shopping center at the time. What about Zeeta? I heard he was the one who found me unconscious in the building.”

« Dunno. I’ve heard he was freed by the police after an interrogation. »

Just like me, then.

“He doesn’t pick my calls,” I grumbled.

« Doesn’t pick mine either, » Erma confessed. « Sorry, Straw Head, but I’m sort of busy now. My sis is calling me. »

“Oh, you did text me yesterday you went back home. Is everything all right?”

« Yeah, well, it’s complicated. My sis is driving me crazy. I don’t have time even to breathe… Crap, she’s coming. Bye, bye, Straw Head, take care! »

“Oh, right… Take care, Lil Witch!”

Coincidentally, that very afternoon, I bumped into one of the Tiger Clan managers in the street: I waved at him and politely asked him if they had a pill to fix my eyesight. The guy ignored me as if he didn’t even know me. When I insisted, he snarled at me:

“Go back to your hole, lowlife.”

The whole thing made me finally stop to think about my situation. I shut myself at home and thought about becoming a secluded hermit. Should I be studying online? Maybe my grades would get better this way. I was wondering about my life and those kinds of things when I finally decided to look at my cellphone. There was a message from Ray. It was from yesterday. For a moment, I stayed in a daze… Then, I started reading.

‘Ray, yesterday, at 18:20: Your sister told me you were at the hospital.’

‘18:23: I saw the explosions in the news. I was very shocked.’

‘18.23: How are you feeling?’

‘18:49: I’m going home. Because it’s holidays, but also, I’ll be studying at Harvard High for the third year. You’re going there too, right?’

Lying on my bed, I stared at the last message, stunned.

‘I’m going home.’

My arm holding the cell fell over my eyes as I groaned:

“I am so stupid. So stupid, stupid, stupid.”

Later, I replied:

‘Armen, 9:01: I’m fine. Apart from my eyesight, I got out with just some scratches.’

‘9:02: Thx for worrying 😊’

‘9:02: Old Docks is scary 😨’

‘9:02: When u get home, let’s hang out like before. 😊’

‘Ray, 9:03: Sure! 😊’

I smiled as I saw his answer appear so quickly.

‘Armen, 9:04: So, how was Europe? A friend of mine told me that people there aren’t humans. 👽’

‘Ray, 9:04: WTH? 😂’

‘9:04: They’re normal people. I sent you photos last month.’

‘Armen, 9:06: u only sent photos of trees and mountains, not people 😂 There were cats too 😸’

‘9:06: Nice photos, though. 😍’

‘9:07: Say,’

I closed my eyes for some minutes. Then I wrote:

‘9:11: We’re friends, right?’

The answer came right away:

‘Ray, at 9:11: Wee ar’

‘9:11: of course we are, aren’t we?’

I grinned, moved. Was he so shaken by my question he posted his first message too soon?

I typed:

‘Armen, 9:13: We are 😊’